How many calories would you consume if you ate a whole cow?

A cow is about 1000 pounds on the hoof, 650 hanging weight. Processed into maybe 500 pounds of hamburger. Assuming 25 percent fat, the burger is 1329 cal/pound. So eating a cow would be about 664500 calories.

REALLY SHORT ANSWER:

513,751 calories!!!!

REALLY LONG (BUT COOL) ANSWER:

According to a professor from South Dakota State University:

Average beef animal, weighed full, 1200 lbs., some bone-in and some boneless steaks and roasts, closely trimmed, regular ground beef:

(Use a formula found here

http://ars.sdstate.edu/MeatSci/May99-1.htm)

(.61 X .67) X 1200 = 41% X 1200 = 492 lbs. of meat.

So 492 lbs of usable meat on an average cow. Then we look at this diagram to see what percentages you’d get of the different kinds of meat on your cow:

http://www.askthemeatman.com/images/anguschartopto…

Using the percentages we found on that diagram, of the average cow weight (492 lbs), we get:

chuck = 26% = 127.92 lbs

rib = 8% = 39.36 lbs

short loin= 8% = 39.36 lbs

sirloin= 9% = 44.28 lbs

rump= 3% = 14.76 lbs

short ribs= 1.5% = 7.38 lbs

brisket= 6% = 29.52 lbs

force shank= 4% = 19.68 lbs

plate= 5.5% = 27.06 lbs

flank= 4% = 19.68 lbs

round= 21% = 103.32 lbs

hind shank= 3% = 14.76 lbs

Now using this chart to figure out what kinds of beef give you how many calories:

http://www.askthemeatman.com/images/anguschartopto…

(The measurements are for 3 oz cuts, so since there’s 16 oz in a pound, to get 1 pound’s worth of calories, you have to multiply by 5 1/3)

I will assume since you said "meat only", that we are using only the lean meat, not the fat, for these measurements. And since it does matter how you cook these parts, I will assume you cook them using the least calories possible. I’m also rounding to the nearest calorie.

chuck = 127.92 lbs = 126,214 calories

rib = 39.36 lbs = 41,984 calories

short loin = 39.36 lbs = 31,606 calories

sirloin = 44.28 lbs = 37,313 calories

rump = 14.76 lbs = 13,382 calories

short ribs = 7.38 lbs = 9,879 calories

brisket = 29.52 lbs = 32,275 calories

force shank = 19.68 lbs = 53,792 calories

plate = 27.06 lbs = 26,988 calories

flank = 19.68 lbs = 17,318 calories

round = 103.32 lbs = 82,656 calories

hind shank = 14.76 lbs = 40,344 calories

So added all together, and excluding the tongue or whatever other crap you can eat……. you have a grand total of….. drumroll here

513,751 calories!!!!

So assuming you eat 2,000 calories a day….of just cow meat….

it would take you about 257 days to finish a whole cow.

WHEW. That was a lot of work. You’re welcome. I bet mine is the most accurate answer. If not the only one.

Cow Nutrition Facts