Krystina Hartmann
Nov 23, 2024
Is it unfair to ask my friends not to drink when I always have to drive?
Is it unfair to ask my friends not to drink when I always have to drive?
We’re all between 21 and 23 years old and have been friends since high school. The two or three people I hang out with the most don’t have driver’s licenses, so since I got my license and a car at 16, I’ve always been the designated driver for our group. Usually, when we want to drink, we use Uber. However, there have been a few occasions recently where we drove to dinner or an event, and they ended up getting buzzed or drunk.
On one hand, it feels petty to ask them not to drink just because I can’t while I’m driving. On the other hand, I’ve always taken on the role of the driver, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask them to save drinking for times when we can all enjoy it together, rather than automatically making me the designated driver.
What do others think? I’m interested in hearing outside perspectives before I potentially bring this up with them.
10 Answers
After reading some of the good answers above, it has left me with nothing different to say.
Only one thing to do….tell your friends that you want to have fun too and have drinks with them. Therefore, if you are going out to party,suggest you all get a cab and split the cost.
Personally I think it would be wrong of you to do so. Nobody is making you drive, you’re choosing to. If you don’t want them to drink simply because you’re driving then don’t drive. Get a taxi together and tell them straight ‘we’ll have to get a taxi tonight as I’m sick of being the sober DD whilst you’re all drinking’. But as I say, being the DD and not drinking is your choice – You can’t expect them not to drink and enjoy themselves simply because you CHOSE to drive.
Sounds like they use you and you have let them do it so much, they think it is OK with you. Just tell them that you feel you are being used.
Talking to them probably won’t work. You need a behavioral solution: Just don’t drive. Take a taxi, or look for walkable destinations. If they ask you to drive, just say you don’t feel like it, you want to enjoy a drink yourself. It’s easy for them to take advantage of your willingness to drive unless you do something about it by not being so willing.
Best of luck.
Feb 19, 2025
Honestly, I would not be comfortable driving while there are drunk people in the car with me. If a police were to pull over and he’s a dumb police, or one that may be suspicious, I wouldn’t want to be dragged into trouble and suspected of drinking too. He may ask you to step out and do a sober test, but even so, it’s just the drama that comes with it. Your friends may be so intoxicated that they may distract you or do something to get you pulled over.
As another person said, leave your car at home, and do a taxi/Uber for special occasions like this. But it’s your car; what you say goes.
Just tell them that you want to start to be careful and don’t want to drive when they are drunk. If they are good friends, they should understand and respect that you want to be careful.
Easy. When ever you go out with your friends don’t drive your car and take an uber. Just tell them you’re not in the mood to drive or I’m planing to drink…ecc you’re not really lying.
So you’re already committed to driving, and you expect your friends to behave differently than they would prefer because you can’t do the same, because you’re driving?
See the circular deal there?
You cannot expect to change anybody’s behavior except your own. It’s not reasonable to ask people you are *already driving home* not to drink.
What I think needs to happen is that it no longer be the default that you are driving anyone but yourself, to or from an event or gathering. You drive–and stay sober–only when you choose to do that.
Otherwise, you’re becoming their doormat and resentful of it. It’s up to you to stop it.
Feb 22, 2025
It seems pretty fair for them to not drink so you don’t have to drive. I don’t see drinking as being essential so they should be able to give it a break
There’s only one thing you can do.
When you go out WITH THEM, just leave your car home.
Or, park it elsewhere, so they don’t see you driving it, and meet them there!
Tell them a little white lie, and say: I didn’t bring my car. But you can’t control them, if they want to drink or not. You can NOT drink, if that’s your choice.
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