Is it unfair to ask my friends not to drink when I always have to drive?

Question

We’re all 21-23 and have been friends since high school. The 2 or 3 people I hang out with the most don’t have drivers licenses, so since I got my license and a car at 16, I’ve always been the driver of the group. Usually if we want to drink, we Uber.There have been a few times recently where we drove to dinner or an event and they ended up getting buzzed or drunk. On the one hand it seems petty to ask them not to drink just because I can’t because I’m driving…on the other hand, I’ve ALWAYS been the driver, and I don’t think it’s that unfair to ask that they save drinking for when we can all do it, rather than automatically having me be the DD. What do other people think? I’m interested in hearing outside perspectives before I potentially talk to them about it.

Dr. Bernice Bergstrom · Accepted Answer

After reading some of the good answers above, it has left me with nothing different to say. Only one thing to do….tell your friends that you want to have fun too and have drinks with them. Therefore, if you are going out to party,suggest you all get a cab and split the cost.

Dr. Bernice Bergstrom · Answer

Personally I think it would be wrong of you to do so. Nobody is making you drive, you’re choosing to. If you don’t want them to drink simply because you’re driving then don’t drive. Get a taxi together and tell them straight ‘we’ll have to get a taxi tonight as I’m sick of being the sober DD whilst you’re all drinking’. But as I say, being the DD and not drinking is your choice – You can’t expect them not to drink and enjoy themselves simply because you CHOSE to drive.

Dr. Bernice Bergstrom · Answer

Yes

Dr. Bernice Bergstrom · Answer

Sounds like they use you and you have let them do it so much, they think it is OK with you. Just tell them that you feel you are being used.

Dr. Bernice Bergstrom · Answer

Talking to them probably won’t work. You need a behavioral solution: Just don’t drive. Take a taxi, or look for walkable destinations. If they ask you to drive, just say you don’t feel like it, you want to enjoy a drink yourself. It’s easy for them to take advantage of your willingness to drive unless you do something about it by not being so willing. Best of luck.

Dr. Bernice Bergstrom · Answer

Honestly, I would not be comfortable driving while there are drunk people in the car with me. If a police were to pull over and he’s a dumb police, or one that may be suspicious, I wouldn’t want to be dragged into trouble and suspected of drinking too. He may ask you to step out and do a sober test, but even so, it’s just the drama that comes with it. Your friends may be so intoxicated that they may distract you or do something to get you pulled over.As another person said, leave your car at home, and do a taxi/Uber for special occasions like this. But it’s your car; what you say goes.Just tell them that you want to start to be careful and don’t want to drive when they are drunk. If they are good friends, they should understand and respect that you want to be careful.

Dr. Bernice Bergstrom · Answer

Easy. When ever you go out with your friends don’t drive your car and take an uber. Just tell them you’re not in the mood to drive or I’m planing to drink…ecc you’re not really lying.

Dr. Bernice Bergstrom · Answer

So you’re already committed to driving, and you expect your friends to behave differently than they would prefer because you can’t do the same, because you’re driving?See the circular deal there?You cannot expect to change anybody’s behavior except your own. It’s not reasonable to ask people you are *already driving home* not to drink.What I think needs to happen is that it no longer be the default that you are driving anyone but yourself, to or from an event or gathering. You drive–and stay sober–only when you choose to do that.Otherwise, you’re becoming their doormat and resentful of it. It’s up to you to stop it.

Dr. Bernice Bergstrom · Answer

It seems pretty fair for them to not drink so you don’t have to drive. I don’t see drinking as being essential so they should be able to give it a break

Dr. Bernice Bergstrom · Answer

There’s only one thing you can do.When you go out WITH THEM, just leave your car home.Or, park it elsewhere, so they don’t see you driving it, and meet them there!Tell them a little white lie, and say: I didn’t bring my car. But you can’t control them, if they want to drink or not. You can NOT drink, if that’s your choice.

Jayce Wintheiser

Is it unfair to ask my friends not to drink when I always have to drive?

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