My dad is a drill sergeant…. how do I get over this?
Nothing instills fear quite like an Army drill sergeant—I should know, because my dad is one. I’m 15, and yesterday, my dad had to bring me a new pair of pants to school because I was wearing skinny jeans, which aren’t allowed. My dad is a single parent, and when he showed up, he looked absolutely furious. You could see how badly he wanted to yell at me.
He said, “Why don’t you ever THINK?” and then yelled, “WHY DID YOU DO THAT?”
When I tried to explain by saying, “Well, I thought…,” he cut me off with, “WHO THE HELL GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO THINK?”
On the ride home, he laid down some rules, and let me tell you, they were intense:
1. If you don’t dress age-appropriately, your “new” clothes will consist of my old, specially altered fatigues.
2. Disrespect will not be tolerated—zero tolerance. So think carefully before you act.
3. Getting an education is non-negotiable. If your grades aren’t satisfactory, consequences will follow.
4. If I didn’t give you an attitude when you were born, you will not develop one now. Ever.
5. Remember, things can always get worse—don’t make me prove it.
6. I don’t drink, smoke, or do drugs, and neither will you.
7. There will be no crying or whining. If you need a reason to cry, one will be provided.
8. God gave me patience, but only so much. Don’t test it.
9. As for dating, remember: I’m trained in firearms and level-three combatives. I will shoot first and ask questions later.
Don’t get me wrong—I love my dad. He’s amazing in so many ways, but I just want to feel like I’m 15 and not a little kid. How can I handle this dynamic and communicate with him better?
4 Answers
Your dad, whether he realizes it or not, is using a parenting style called authoritarian parenting. Although it is sometimes described as “strict,” when taken too far it can become psychologically abusive, or even physically abusive if the parent utilizes physical discipline.
From what you’ve described, your father is crossing the line into abuse. He is giving you no room to express yourself or make mistakes, and he expects you to do what HE wants you to do rather than teaching you how to reason, evaluate, and make decisions on your own. He doesn’t seem above using humiliation as discipline, either. All of these tactics are utilized in the military because soldiers are expected to think as one unit and not question authority. Boot camp is designed to break will and sense of individuality, so that soldiers will obey orders without question. Thing is, YOU are not a soldier in the army. You’re a teenager growing into a young adult, and your father treating you like a trained German Shepard is not allowing you to learn or grow as an individual.
Unfortunately, unless you can go live with grandparents or something, he’s the only choice you’ve got. I don’t agree with his parenting tactics AT ALL (I really don’t believe obedience in exchange for breaking your child’s will is a worthwhile trade), but use your anger as motivation to make plans to move out as soon as you turn 18. Once you’ve graduated from high school and are out on your own, you never have to speak to him again if you don’t want to. My own dad wasn’t military but he used some of the same tactics your father does. I’m 36 now and have seldom spoken to him since I left for college, and he’s only met my 3 1/2 year old once. He regrets the mistakes he made when I was growing up, but it’s too late. The relationship is broken beyond repair, and it’s healthier for me to have him in my life as minimally as possible.
I loved this question last time you asked it too. I would re-post my answer but i forgot what i said last time. Somewhere along the line of listen to him
Actually you are luckier than other teens. Not all parents remind you of the rules so specifically which makes it easier for you to follow them. There is nothing to get over. You just follow the rules or suffer the consequences. Dad may be a drill sergeant, but he is a parent who loves you and is just trying to protect you.
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