My parents are leaving me all alone while they take my siblings to a family gathering. How do I get over the heartbreak of not going?

Question

My parents are leaving me home alone while they take my siblings to a family gathering, and I’m struggling with the heartbreak of not being able to go. The reason I can’t attend is because my grandmother, who has Alzheimer’s, becomes extremely frightened and agitated when she sees me. This isn’t something I can control, and the hospice staff mentioned that this type of reaction is somewhat common in dementia patients. 
The gathering is to celebrate her 90th birthday tomorrow, and the entire family—my aunts, uncles, and cousins—will be there, except for me. I feel rejected, even though I understand that my grandmother can’t help how she reacts. I wish I could go and just stay in the background so I wouldn’t upset her, but that isn’t an option. 
I’m really upset because I don’t have any friends to talk to about this—I’m on the autism spectrum (Asperger’s)—and I find it hard to explain my feelings to my parents, so I’m typing them out here instead. I’ll be alone all day while my family enjoys the celebration, and it’s making me feel so alienated. 
This isn’t the first time this has happened. I missed Christmas last year for the same reason, although my dad’s parents came to spend the evening with me while my parents and siblings celebrated elsewhere. This time, I’ll be completely on my own because my dad’s parents are out of town. 
I’m 14, and I don’t know how to cope with this sense of isolation. Please, any advice on how to handle these feelings and get through the day would mean a lot to me.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Even if your grandmother doesn&rsquo;t mean to, yes, it will still hurt to be left at home and not part of the family event. You are family too. I honestly believe your family should have made better arrangements for you rather than just keeping you home alone. I think that&rsquo;s cruel. I think somebody should have stayed with you, or you could have been at least nearby your grandmother in another room. Just know that if your grandmother was in her right mind, she would never approve of how you are feeling or being treated. She doesn&rsquo;t know any better. You didn&rsquo;t do anything wrong, nor do you deserve this. But unfortunately, it&rsquo;s just for the sake of her health and comfort.I think right now, you should keep yourself occupied. Comedy movies are always helpful. Surf the web and learn something, or go on YouTube and look up videos of people who may share a piece of their life or bad experiences they went through that they overcame.

Anonymous · Answer

thats mean theyre doing that, especially since she has alzheimers, she not even going to remember who you are anyways, you should remind your parents of that

Anonymous · Answer

Rejoice in the fact that you get the entire house to yourself!!  Order a pizza, watch whatever you want to watch, and relax in peace and quiet.  You should thank your lucky stars!!

Dr. Graciela Brakus I · Answer

It would be neglect for your parents to leave you alone for a day, especially if you have been diagnosed with asperger’s disease.

Call 1-800-4ACHILD if in the U.S.A., or Childline (0800 1111) in the U.K. No doubt other countries have similar free phone lines. Canada is 1-800-668-6868, Ireland: https://www.childline.ie/ Australia: https://kidshelpline.com.au/

Anonymous · Answer

You’re still young. You’ll get over it.

Anonymous · Answer

You MUST speak to your parents about this ASAP. It’s very helpful that you understand the dementia disease. Just stay away from your grandmother, she won’t even know you are there. PLEASE, be 100% honest and talk to your parents about it.

Anonymous

My parents are leaving me all alone while they take my siblings to a family gathering. How do I get over the heartbreak of not going?

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