Why is my husband insensitive when I’m sick or hurt?

Sounds like he is an insensitive a**hole. Sorry, but is this terribly different than when you were dating? My guess is he has the same personality as before, so unfortunately, you're stuck. Hopefully you don't have kids. Seriously though, things like this can really ruin a relationship. See if he is willing to go to counseling.

For him... it may take seeing for believing.....

After my car accident, my husband didn't really believe my back was hurt or anything.... even after an evening in the ER.... Until about day 3, when I still was hurting and I had him help me get undressed. He saw my chest was black, purple and blue from just my seat belt and he apologized right then and there....

Same thing goes with my back problems... He's always sort of made me sound like a wuce since I can't get around because of pain in my back... I started physical therapy on it and low and behold... he now calls to check on me, helps out with the stuff around the house that would wind up hurting my back further...etc....

So, if he is like my husband, seeing is believing.

It sounds like he needs you to ask him that question. Meanwhile get some counseling or support from a women's support group in your area. Check the churches around you that offer counseling. The least a husband (or wife) should do is be caring and supportive when you are sick. He said so in the wedding vows (sickness and health). Don't think divorce just yet. Give him a chance to see what he is doing. If he is insensitive when you need him now what will he be like when you are pregnant or elderly?

My husband is like this too. Last year when that really bad flu was going around I caught it and he wouldn't even fill up the humidifier one night when I asked him too. Then he told me one day "you can't just lay in bed all day". I was so pissed that one night when he fell asleep I put my face right next to his and breathed on him real good. Then I licked his toothbrush all up. Sure enough a couple days later he came down with the flu. He told me he has never felt so sick in his entire life and the first day he got sick I was as mean to him as he was to me. He was sick for two weeks (way longer than I was). I kept telling him "you can't just lay in bed all day." He realized what an @ss he had been an apologized. So I recommend you just keep track so you can treat him the same way and remind of of this time.

Hmm...Sounds like my ex. That's sad. Most men can't care about their wives or girlfriends like their jobs and usually aren't nice or happy when they have work or money problems. I am saying that because of my own experiences. You being sick is something he has to worry about on top of everything else. I know. I know. It's wrong but that's the way most men think. If you had a million dollars, he would be right there with no complaints. That goes for the majority of them.

Some men can not handle it when some one they care for is hurt. Some men also can not stand the idea of going into a hospital.

When I was about 9, my mom went into the hospital for some routine surgery. The hospital was 1.5 hours away - we lived in a remote area. My father drove the two of us to the hospital on the day of her discharge and sent me in alone to find her.

About six or seven years ago, my mom went into the hospital to have her thyroid removed. On the same day as her surgery my (now ex) husband was have surgery at a hospital about an hour away on a broken wrist. My father couldn't stand going into the hospital and I had to choose who I would be there for when they came out of surgery. My mom won, fyi. 🙂 I called in the mother-in-law to be there when the (now ex) husband woke up.

He could be afraid of seeing you in pain, or helpless, or even questioning his ability to cope with or help you through this.

You need to talk with him.

For what it's worth, my father - after spending so much time in hospital's during his cancer treatment over the past few years - is now a volunteer at a local hospital and no longer has his fears. 🙂

That does not sound good. Your husband needs to do a reality check about things that are important in his life. His wife should come first before his job. Show this comment to him and ask him to speak with a marriage counselor or a happily married friend about the order of importance between job and family members.

This is not a good sign. When did this kind of behavior start? Has this insensitivity been going on for awhile (e.g. before marriage)? What changed?

Sit him down and talk to him. Ask him what's going on--is there stress? Are you two under financial distress?

(But prepare yourself. If you two are indeed growing apart, you might want to plot the trajectory and decide whether it's worth staying together)

Good luck, and take care.

He could just be a jerk or no longer be in love with you - lots of people will tell you that.

But I've often wondered about this rather common phenomenon, too., and think it might be something else. Many men (some women, too of course) are so out of touch with their emotions and afraid that they couldn't control themselves in the face of things that touch them deeply, that they just pretend they don't exist, and therefore don't need to be taken care of. They are gruff and seem totally insensitive when in fact inside they're jelly and cluless about what to "do". I've seen them balling out tiny children for getting hurt - as if the kid had done it on purpose to plague the father! As if witnessing the pain or failure of a loved one would make them implode.

Solution? For therapy or counseling he'd have to own the problem - you can't change anyone else in their place. But perhaps talking about YOUR feelings in any and all situations, in a simple, direct, non-blaming way, would slowly permeate him with a model for recognizing and accepting them. (It's not feeling fear that is dangerous, it's not taking care of the things that cause the fear, so if you don't listen heed the warning, the flight or fight doesn't kick in. Try saying: "I feel worried about this ache and need your help to get myself checked up" and " I feel bad about having to take you away from your work" ."I feel troubled when I need your help and it seems to bother you". But also, "I feel a lot of appreciation for your taking care of me like that." when he does get you to the hospital. (Just avoid the word "hurt" inself - describe your feelings in detail in any other way.)

All his caring for you may be totally invested in his job (and for many men, doing that job, for you, is what is supposed to say it all). It's safe, he understands it, no gooey feelings involved.

The only reason I can think of why he might have done that is cause you might be a hypochondriac. I'm not saying that you are. I'm just saying thats the only reason I can think of him getting upset. Other then that I can't think of a reason. He just may be a cold and hurtful person. BUT didn't you know this before you married him?? You had to have known. So why did you marry him>???