Dating someone who is obese?
I am currently dating someone who is quite large, actually classified as obese. His weight has been a concern for me since we met, but I recognize that I’m not the best-looking person either, and I believe that relationships are not solely about appearances. We get along well, which is why we are still together. He has decided to lose weight, which makes me very happy. However, he mentioned that he weighed himself at the beginning of the year and has been eating much healthier, going to the gym, and exercising 4-5 times a week for a few months now, but he has only lost a few kilograms. Recently, he admitted that he lied about his weight earlier and that he has actually lost over 10 kilograms. I’m unsure what to believe, especially since he has gained weight over the last month.
I am genuinely concerned for his health; my father was an amputee due to diabetes, and I don’t want him to end up in a similar situation. I’m trying to be supportive by making salads and cooking healthy dinners for him, and I tell him I’m proud of his efforts to go to the gym. However, his weight is becoming a more significant issue for me, especially since we are still dating casually. If my family meets him, particularly my very fit and athletic brothers, I worry they will make fun of him.
I’m really struggling with this situation and don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to end the relationship because of his weight, as that feels terrible, especially since he is genuinely working on improving his health. Do you have any suggestions on how to navigate this?
3 Answers
First of all, good for you for encouraging him. It really is all you can do. Encourage him.
However, if he can’t commit to weight loss, what else will he have problems committing to? Your future? If you ever have children will he commit? Saving for retirement? I would give him 6 months to a year max to get his ᴮᵁᵀᵀ in gear. You and he both deserve a partner that is going to give 100% and actually live to a decent age and be able do things required to just live (such as house work, a job etc.). If it progresses, you already seem to know what that is like with your father. You deserve a partner who can take care of them self. You will become a care giver if this keeps going on.
Give him an ultimatum. I know it sounds horrible, but if he doesn’t get his ᴮᵁᵀᵀ in gear and get out of the obese category, you need to leave. especially since you “not very serious” about the relationship. What are you hanging on to then? Do you want to be a care giver and not a partner for the rest of your life?
Also, don’t put yourself down like that. I know what it is like to not feel like you do not look good, but you should not just settle because of that.
Any ideas how to deal with this???
My question for you is, WHY would you deal with this?
Considering he hasn’t even met your family yet, I’d imagine the relationship isn’t that serious. He was obese when you met him, he’ll likely be overweight (or at least struggle with his weight) his whole life.
Are you even attracted to him?
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